很多美国留学申请的同学在个人陈述的写作上都会求助于咨询和中介，因为个人陈述和申请材料反应的内容就是审核官对你的第一印象，并且个人陈述的写作可以弥补你在语言成绩上的不足，帮助你更容易的取得申请成功。本文为大家总结了几种遭到拒绝的个人陈述的开头段落：

　　一、救世主型

　　I am a problem solver. I have an impulse as a kind of instincts to solvevarious problems before me and enjoy doing that. Since I was a little boy, a voice from President Franklin Roosevelt has constantly hovered around my mind, "The world can be changed by man's endeavor, …

　　专家点评：一副救世主的形象，小时候就受富兰克林的影响，立志改变世界。个人陈述的写作一定要个人化具体化，别吹大牛，甚至带着一种霸权主义思维。

　　二、犹抱琵琶型

　　Making a right decision at the right time is very important for a young people .At present, I have come to a critical point in my life when I have to make a decision concerning my future course of action. Only a perceptive understanding of oneself will enable one to chart his proper action. Aftercarefully thinking, reviewing my life and analyzing my personality, I make the determination and choose to apply for graduate study in XXX. And I choose to specialize in communications which I will pursue a lifelong career.

　　专家点评：重点放在自己要做重大决定上了，人生的转折点，然后来上句所谓名言警句。浪费字数，有限的字数里，同学们应该学会直接，并且抓住重点，突出自己最有优势的方面，最有特色的方面。

　　三、言幼稚型

　　‘Why the gecko can climb on the wall while we can't-' 'Why the leaves turn red in autumn' 'How many stars are there in the sky-' When I was in childhood, I always kept asking my mom all kinds of questions。I am especially interested in how things work, I can even take apart things for several hours in order to find out its principle.

　　专家点评：上来就回忆童年少年自己如何有着远大抱负，who cares。个人陈述字数有限，却用这么多话描述童年，没有任何意义。学校想知道你如何看待未来，而不是如何度过过去。

　　四、重复简历型

　　I earned my Bachelor of Science degree in … Sciences with a specialization in … in 2002 at … university

　　专家点评：美国留学个人陈述不要去重复简历中的东西，这在很多学校的PS要求中明确提到，个人陈述的写作要具体到事件上，事件解决上，而不要单纯重复已有的内容。

　　五、学校介绍型

　　I am an undergraduate in…University , the largest university anda cradle of scientific and technological talents in China.

　　点评：该同学的个人陈述开头等于是一个申请学校的简介，这好像是在帮助学校做宣传，或表达你有多了解该学校，而不是写个人陈述了。这是没有意义的开头，白白浪费了字数，最容易被秒据掉。

　　六、抄袭句式型

　　As a student majoring in Computer Science, I began my odyssey since I entered undergraduate program. Indeed, having entered this splendid computer world, I am more than greedy for something new.

　　专家点评：Odyssey 和more than greedy for something new 这种句式不知道是从哪里学到的，很多同学在用。但你要知道，老外最恨抄袭，最喜原创，所以利害关系大家想想吧。

　　托普仕留学老师提醒，即使个人陈述不能成为亮点，也坚决不能让它拖美国留学申请的后腿，这六种情况，大家还是能避就避。除此外也要避免空洞的个人陈述，尽量做到言之有物。